'There is snow on dem dare hills!'
I know most of you are probably saying, ‘what a crazy man excited about cold miserable mornings’, crazy I’m not but excited I am you see it’s my favorite time of year. In the immortal words of British adventurer Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes;
‘There is no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing’.
It is a bit the same with communication, there is no such thing as bad communication, just inappropriate words. Likewise ‘you can say anything to anyone as long as you say it in the right way’. I have a wonderful friend of mine who has an amazing way of using the right words at the right time. He could be telling you that you smell but he does it in such a way that you walk away thinking it was a compliment.
So what does it take to make sure that the words we are using are the most appropriate as possible? There are two parts to making sure that we use the most appropriate words as possible. The first is awareness, awareness of what is happening in and around the conversation and awareness of what words are landing well and what words are giving us negative feedback. Our awareness needs to include a consciousness of what words we are using and what words we choose to use in the next moment. The second part will help us in the first part and that is our ability to truly listen to the conversation and in particular the person who is speaking. When we listen to a conversation with both ears we become attentive to how the communication is landing. Most of the time however we are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don’t actually listen to what the other person is saying.
Listening is therefore one of the most important things in the communication process. If there is no listening it is very hard to have true awareness of the communication process. So how do we listen to a conversation as we are having the conversation? Well I’m glad you asked, one of the techniques that I use is a thing called active listening, I know you have probably herd of or learnt about active listening. For those who have not and those that are not using it here is a refresher.
Active listening comprises of three parts:
Part one: Listen to what someone is communicating to you.
Part two: Paraphrase back to them what you have heard.
Part three: Listen to the response.
In action it might sound something like this;
Person 1: I am really concerned about spending that sort of money on the project because it seems irresponsible.
Person 2: So spending that amount seems irresponsible?
Person 1: Yes in my experience we could achieve the same result spending far less using company X.
Person 2: Yes if we use company X you believe we could save and get the same result?
Person 1: Yes I do.
I know it is a silly example but as you can see the effect is two fold, one the person feels heard and that you understand them and two you begin to have a greater awareness of the conversation because you actually heard what was being said. When you have to paraphrase a conversation back to the other person you make sure that you have heard what they are saying and therefore listen more attentively. It is very embarrassing paraphrasing back when you have not actually heard what is being said.
So go out into your week bite your tongue and let the other person finish what they are saying, show interest by using active listening and build a greater awareness of communication happening around you, I dare you.
Oh and back to the great weather we are having, snow is on the way (the picture at the top of this blog is an image of Mt Buller as of this morning so snow is actually here, oh and to the right is me out for a gentle morning of skiing, well maybe me a few years ago.) and if you have not guessed by now I LOVE SKIING. In the next few months if you don’t hear from me I’ve gone skiing, see you on the slopes...
Have a great week Regards Marcus
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