Monday, November 22, 2010

Fatigue and the Busi-ness of Life?

I came to the end of another busy week feeling tired, exhausted and fatigued. Pushing myself from one meeting to another in a flurry of action, and as I came to a stop on Saturday morning I realized the pattern. Caught in a pattern that I have been running for many years now, flat out making it happen or fatigued to a stop. A wave of sadness came over me as I realized that my true self is the stillness that resides inside me. That peaceful self that meditates the wisdom of my life, and yet still I run.

It got me thinking of the sub-scripts that the subconscious brain runs that I often talk about with my clients. Those damn beliefs, patterns and fears that we choose to agree with over our lifetime. Now manifesting as a negative interference pattern. And I tell my clients that once you have a consciousness about a thing you can then decide to change that thing….right? Well as we all know it is not as easy as it seems and sometimes that comes down to the level or depth of consciousness we have about that thing. In my case I had some consciousness about it but not enough to completely shift my external experience of that thing, until today!

We had my nieces seventh birthday at a gymnastic centre followed by lunch at my brothers. It was a wonderful day, I got to run and play with my little girl Lucy and see our other two children, Claudia and Brendan, play with her. The love and care they have for her and each other whilst in a group of children is wonderful. Anyway when we got to my brothers the rest of the family had assembled including my Dad. Now I love my Dad but for most of my life he has been the one that I am trying to free myself from and today he gave me an insight. Now when I mean free myself please don’t get me wrong my Dad is a wonderful man, generous, caring and has supported me and my brother far and beyond most fathers. However like most boys and certainly first sons, I have the father wounding that I am trying to heal. So today was another chance but did I take it?

At one stage throughout the day, Dad I had a chance to chat alone for a few moments and in true form he asked me how business was going and again, true to form, I picked all the most positive points to tell him. The opportunities, the excitement of new clients and the underlining message of how well I was doing. At that moment I looked at him and noticed how far away he was from me. It was as if he had not heard anything that I had said. Oh there was the obligatory nod of the head and rhetorical murmurings of agreement and understanding but at the end of the day he was not there. Here I was sharing exciting news that things were going well and he had chosen to disappear. Now the disappearing is not the important part of this story, hell we all have those moments when we disappear from a conversation. No, it was the need I felt to once again prove that I was worthy and valuable….

Here was the driving force behind my need to run flat out and why it is not possible to keep up the pace. In truth this keeping up of the pace is me not living the truth of who I am but rather in the shadow of approval and acceptance of what my father might think is good. Sure like most I can keep up the pace with the best of them however I have had chronic fatigue so energy or the lack there of is my specialty. It is my calling, the reading of energy and sensing the state of myself and others, so now what to do with it…?

At the end of the day it is not the speed at which one moves that is the issue but rather what is going on inside that counts. It is possible to drive a car at 100 kilometers and hour however if you don’t change gear relative to the speed of the car then you are likely to blow up an engine. To complicate matters the alignment of ones own truth must match the energy so that the external performance matches the internal truth. In other words not only do we have to change gear so as not to blow the engine up but we must also have our gears aligned or we will destroy the gearbox. Now at 100 kilometers an hour that could be life threatening. In my case when my gearbox goes I get fatigued and literally have to stop.

There is a great understanding that comes from deep observation. Observation of your own internal scripts that continually run through your mind and observation of the scripts of those around you. To then bring awareness to how those scripts inter play with each other and the effect that these then have.
My Dad’s script is one of having to be perfect, which plays beautifully into mine, which is one of trying to seek acceptance by having the perfect business, life or what ever. Perfection to me is then played out through what I perceive as positive success, the bigger the positive success the better. This continual expectation is not possible to live up to. It is never possible to live up to others expectations. The only thing you can do is live up to your own, that is to meet your own inner expectation that in this life you will live as your true self as much as you can. That is the only expectation we have of ourselves at a deep level and it’s not really an expectation but rather a mantra, a desire to fulfill ourselves. Those that surrender fully to this internal expectation reap the rewards of a full, content and happy life. Those that don’t have to make do with whatever is left.

It is time to live my internal truth and to slow down, become clear, focused and move forward with grace and ease, regardless of the speed of the vehicle. Now I am going to take some of my own medicine and powerfully choose to make a difference. To live the peace that I am, calm and relaxed regardless of the speed of the outside world. I will allow myself to not have the need to impress, or be good, or be anything except that inner peace.

So how do your sub scripts interfere with your success and affect the living of your truth and, what do you choose now…………….?

So be brave and courageously share a little more of yourself this week. In a work or corporate environment it can be the scariest thing to do….but the most important. As one of my clients discovered last week, when you begin to let go and share your truth others are given permission to share theirs. Out of the darkest places the most amazing light often appears. So go and shine this week and let me know what happens and who else crawls from under the veil of a subconscious sub-script self.

If we were all free to perform from this place the world would certainly be better place…

Regards Marcus

Remember: Perform from your core, your truth and you will unleash your true potential...

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